Difference in Trust

Nothing can ever be the same. Once again all innocence is lost.
Every time it's the same. Once again I find all faith lost.
This difference is no difference. With these circles you'd think I'm lost.
Wandering around the world found me a home here and there. I
promised never again but I didn't really get a choice.
The difference this time, I tried to protect my innocence. But this
time my gamble was your choice.
But you're not listening. I'm not sure you ever were, so let me
tell these nice people all about your choice.
See, I had wandered the land for awhile in search of a new home
because I needed some new scenery.
I found a rather nice place with good folks and beautiful
botanic scenery.
Five months kept me away when I discovered new depths
of Hell, absolutely abysmal internal scenery.
Anyway summer ends, and I began the eternal summer
thereafter where a new adventure begins.
After seven bouts of fire I'd known better than to
get involved with love.
One final iota of innocence had me look into
people with such a wholesome love.
So perhaps knowing what reason I had
behind my decisions would make it clear why I declined to fall in love.
Then I met you.
The meeting lasted only a moment.
At first I hardly remembered you.
But you were smitten, I guess.
And I told you who I am, but I guess you don't listen.
At first I kept my distance from you.
But you escalated things anyway, I guess.
And you told me how much you loved that I took care to respect your
boundaries, as you pushed mine, but I guess you don't listen.
At first I held together, but eventually I gave in and loved you.
But one day soon after I needed you.
And you violated my first vulnerability.
After this part I remembered how it all started.
I saw every red flag when we started.
Every sense warned me when we started.
But I didn't listen. I dared to trust you.
Now I'm wiser because I did listen and learn my lesson
that I'm the only one I should truly trust.
Damn that innocence was nice and some nights I do
yearn for someone I can trust.
Yet with renewed suspicion even in every
guideline I might follow it's hard to find trust.
This isn't a lament, so to speak, by the way. Afterall
just last night I lambasted our laments.
This is me telling you something you won't hear because
you don't listen. But perhaps my friends can learn
from my misteps. They might pay heed to the red flags
blazing by their own trails. This is just one step I must learn
as I ascend. Now without the keepsafe, crutch,
deceiver of trust I must learn
the next steps onward, far, far beyond you and the same.

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